This was written a long long time ago - when I was still single, unmarried, waiting for my Prince Charming...

Oh, and this was inspired by Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes. So be forewarned!

Rapunzel

narrated by

Rapunzel Jr.

Listen, children, I'm Rapunzel Jr.

I'm here to tell about Rapunzel Senior.

Listen clear and listen well

Because it has a moral to tell.

It started one day

When the witch went away

Through the forest on her gray

To the tower by the bay.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."

Mind you, no one would dare

Disobey the witch's bellow

So down came the hair out of the window

And great billows of dust

Reached the witch's bust

Whose gown was cut so low

(As if there's anything to show.)

Rapunzel's hair was long and plaited, see?
It was never cut since she was three.

It was this time that she was locked

In this tower made of blocks.

There was no door, nor a staircase,

Not even flowers on a vase.

No stereo, no CD,

No Skycable's, no TV.

You see, this witch is a miser,

Who never really became wiser.

When she didn't pay her overcharged bills,

Her electric and water supply went nil.

So Rapunzel's hair wasn't shampooed

And so the lice weren't fooled.

They propagated and multiplied

'Til all her hair was occupied.

Now you would think the witch would care,

But she wouldn't really dare

Give Rapunzel her long due bath

Nor teach her any simplified math.

She knew Rapunzel must never be

As gorgeous, as wise, as beautiful as she.

Even so Rapunzel was happy,

Except those times when her hair was itchy.

Up the tower climbed the witch

Seen by a Prince hiding behind a ditch.

"Oh! Goody, goody! if I had my way,

I'll have all those hair for my toupee!"

(The balding prince wasn't aware

Of dandruff and lice in her hair.)

At long last, the witch went home

Then Prince Baldie said with a groan

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

And again blew down a gust of dirt

That ruined his fake Lacoste T-shirt.

When he hopped over to the window sill,

He saw Rapunzel's back so still.

Slowly she turned and shouted,

"Oh, my prince, marry me!"

Prince Baldie, horrified, shuddered to his knee.

The Prince saw that Rapunzel has lots of zits

And to top it all off, she has no wit.

(Otherwise she would've thought of a way

To escape the tower within a day.)

And how could he miss

That she has halitosis!

The Prince shook out of his trance

And gave another quick glance.

He gulped and made a hasty goodbye

And thought he'd rather swallow a fly.

As he was about to jump, he was trapped

He never thought the witch would be back.

(You see, she forgot her driver's license,

And it has been long nagging her conscience.)

The witch saw the prince and gasped

"Here's my chance to be queen at last!"

Then she preened and shook her butt

(But in reality, she looked like a slut.)

The blind prince fell under her spell

And asked the witch to be her belle.

In return she would provide

Lots of hair for his scalp to hide.

So off to the forest, rode the prince and the witch,

In each other's arms bewitched,

Leaving poor Rapunzel behind

To cry and cry out of her mind.

Don't worry, the story doens't end this way,

Otherwise I wouldn't be here today.

A fisherman heard Rapunzel's cry,

A gentleman and quite a nice guy.

He rescued her from her plight

And took her off into the night.

He had her hair cut short

And my! It took a lot of effort!

He didn't throw it away, I bet,

And wove it into a fishing net.

The lice all met their fate

As they were turned into fishing bait.

So, Rapunzel and hubby prospered happily

And in the end, they had me!

As for the witch and the prince,

They've been miserable ever since

She couldn't produce a nice toupee,

And found out he was gay.

So dear children, listen here

We mustn't judge how people appear.

The worth of a person is in his heart.

Remember this, even as we part.

This is something I wrote for a friend many years ago when she felt like not going to church because she was hurt by another sister from the church. After several months of prayer and Bible study and group counselling, she was finally able to break through the shackles of unforgiveness. Praise the Lord!


Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3 : 12 – 14


My dear friend,

Last night after we talked on the phone, I felt so disturbed and worried about you. I prayed for your friend who betrayed you and I prayed for you, that you might find the peace of God and through His grace, you might be able to forgive. For without your willingness to forgive, you may not be able to get the peace that God intends you to have.

It is true, forgiving is very hard to do. Philip Yancey in his book “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” calls it an unnatural act. It is indeed unfair. How can you forgive somebody who calls herself a Christian and yet has betrayed you and called you names behind your back? How can you indeed forgive this person, whom you had considered friend and yet has spread malicious false stories about you, making you look bad among our fellow church members? How can you forgive this person who, after doing these harmful acts intentionally, can still go to church and is able to worship the same God you worship as if she did no wrong?

But you see, God REQUIRES you to forgive.

1. The Gospel gives us a straightforward command and gives us the answer to why we should forgive – because that is what God is like.

When Jesus gave the command, “Love your enemies,” he added, “… that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” As Christians, we are called to be Christ-like. We are called to bear God’s family’s likeness. Forgiving our enemies is part of it. Jesus said that even unbelievers love their friends and families. So, how can we differ from them? The answer is to love our enemies, so that we can be set apart from others. How can we be salt of the earth and light of the world if the world cannot see that we are different from unbelievers? Follow Jesus’ command to “pray for those who persecute you.”

2. If God forgave our debts, how can we not do the same to others?

Maybe you feel that your sins are not as great as this so-called friend’s sins. You certainly have not betrayed any of your friends. But you see, in God’s eyes, your sins and hers and mine as well, are just as grave – we all deserve Death. Remember the parable of the unforgiving servant? His master forgave him and erased his ‘millions’ of debt. Just as he went out of his master’s office, he met a fellow who owed him a ‘few pesos.’ He beat up the poor fellow and threw him in prison. Please don’t be like the unforgiving servant. If the Lord Jesus can forgive you at such a high cost to Him – that is, His own blood on Calvary, surely, you can forgive and risk just a little cost to yourself.

3. At the center of the Lord’s Prayer, which Jesus taught us to recite, is again that requirement – Forgiveness.

“Forgive our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Notice the word “AS.” Read the prayer again. Doesn’t it mean that we will be forgiven out trespasses IF we forgive others? Therefore, if you do not forgive others, your own sin might not be forgiven. Wow! Think about it. Personally, I would not care if I don’t have to speak or have any contact with my betrayer, but to lose the grace of my God, that is another matter altogether. And that’s what the Lord’s Prayer implies, if we do not forgive, we are accountable to God. The ending of the unforgiving servant is not a happy one. When his master found out about what the servant did to the poor fellow, the master turned this unforgiving servant over to the jailers to be tortured. Philip Yancey says, “By denying forgiveness to others, we are in effect determining them unworthy of God’s forgiveness and thus, so are we. In some mysterious way, divine forgiveness depends on us.”

4. Forgiveness means taking the initiative.

I know, you will say, ‘I will forgive her if she realizes her mistakes and apologizes.’ Or even just ‘I will forgive her if she just makes the first move to reconcile.’ Yes, that kind of reasoning is right and just for us. After all, she is the one who did the wrong, not you. But what if she never apologizes or makes the first move? Will you allow yourself to live with ‘ungrace’ forever? So justice is not a consideration in our act of forgiving. Our forgiveness should be unconditional because God’s forgiveness is unconditional. Of course, it is very difficult at this point. The wound and pain of betrayal is still there. You still feel angry and it feels unfair that God demands you to forgive. But that is how the healing starts. That is how God’s grace will come in. If you don’t let go, how will God work? Do you want to remain full of anger, resentment and hatred for the rest of your life?

Forgiveness is not the same as pardon. Lewis Smedes said that ‘ you may forgive the one who has wronged you but insist on a just punishment.’ Like maybe we can forgive a murderer but still insist he serve his sentence in jail. In your case, maybe your betrayer just needs an intense talk and counseling with people accountable to her, rebuke her and remind her of God’s instructions.

5. Forgiveness is an act of faith.

In Romans 12, Paul said, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written : ‘It is mine to avenge, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

By forgiving your betrayer, you are telling God, trusting God that He will make things right. Of course, God may not deal with the person or give out punishment to the betrayer as you would wish. After all, God is a merciful God. But in the end, you will win because you will earn a reward – a crown from Him who is just. Leave everything in the Lord’s hands. It is His to avenge.


Elizabeth O’Connor writes that “Despite a hundred sermons on forgiveness, we do not forgive easily, nor find ourselves easily forgiven. Forgiveness, we discover, is always harder than the sermons make out to be.”

I, myself have always struggled with my unforgiving heart. (You know my struggle with my in-laws which took God years to sort me out. I think His work is not yet finished.) But there is a wonderful incentive for us to forgive – in the end, your relationship with Him will be restored, and you will find God’s comfort, grace and peace. The kind of peace the Bible talks about – that which only the Lord can give.

Please call me anytime if you want to talk again. We will be praying for you constantly. God bless!









Reference:


Philip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace? (Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1997), chap 7.

Message Given At
Couples@Work Christmas Party
Dec 14, 2007


Good evening everyone! Are you surprised to find me delivering the message tonight? I am surprised, too. It all started when my husband, the love of my life, was assigned to give the message for tonight.

I was very much surprised when he accepted the assignment. He must have been very distracted that night we had the meeting. You see, you might think he is very good with interpersonal skills, he is so chatty and all, but really; he has never ever stood in front of an audience, and gave a speech. Probably the last time he did that was in college doing reports. With Christmas fast approaching, he also became busy with office work. Because his business line is in the garments industry, Christmas time means overtime and beating the deadlines for Christmas orders. And so, he is not ready to give the message tonight. I stand before you today, filling in his shoes, as a show of my love and support for my husband.

The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because this is related to the first point of my message. More than anyone else, we at Couples@Work know that wives should support their husbands, and that husbands should support their wives. As spouses, we should help each other. My husband supports me by providing more than enough for me and my children, so that I don’t have to work. I don’t have to be tied to a 9:00-5:00 job, so I can concentrate on keeping the house in order, raising our children properly, and I can have more time to do God’s work.

As spouses, we support and help each other. In our families, we support and help each other. In our fellowship, and in our big church family, we should also support and help each other. If you see a job that needs to be done or any area that needs help and you can do it, show your support and just do it! A very good example is our brother Bonny. Yesterday, the officers realized that we have not prepared any games, yet. So we quickly called Bonny and yes! Later, he will be in charge of our games and fun! We’re all looking forward to that, brother Bonny!

Another example of a good show of support is Brother Noel. Early this year, when Rev. Harg was not available, brother Noel helped by leading us for two weeks with the video showing on marriage.

Let us support and help each other.

Which leads me to the second point…

Do you know how we became friends with Tian and Mir? I want to share this with you, so we can also have a little history of a Couples@Work Fellowship. There was a Parents@Work before which met every other month, but didn’t work out, so we expanded to be the new Couples@Work.

Couples@Work officially started January of 2006. Yes! We are finishing our second year, going third this 2008. I hope we all continue to have friendship throughout the years to come. So, going back, by late 2005, we were already preparing to introduce this new fellowship. The officers by then were inviting potential members, most often during our snack time after church service. Whenever we see somebody who looks and acts married, we would introduce ourselves, get to know each other a bit, and invite them to the fellowship. I think most of you got to know us that way. Of course, we made a few boo-boos along the way. We extended invitation to some people whom we thought were married, but are really still single! Whoops! We apologize.

Going back to Tian and Mir, we did not know who they were at this time. You see, even when my husband and I were attending this church regularly for more than a year (at this time, we were still at the old church building), we didn’t get to know them because we were attending the 10 o’clock service while they were attending the 3 o’clock service. We only got to see them when everybody transferred to the new church building where we only have 1 service. This was in Dec 2005. So, here was J.R., remember, he did not know who Tian was. He just saw that this guy looks married and is a good potential candidate for the fellowship. He introduced himself to Tian and invited him and his wife to join Couples@Work. Tian himself said the invitation was a surprise to him. For him, here is somebody whom he does not know, practically a newcomer, and yet inviting him to his own church!

The reason why I mention Tian is because he has been an encouragement to us. He probably does not know it, but sometimes some words he said remains in our memory. I suppose this is true for most of us. We should be careful with what we say. We should always pray and hope that our words will always be an encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is my second point for tonight: Let us be an encouragement for each other. Do not be a stumbling block.

You know, it is not easy standing here, speaking, before you. It is not easy to be a Junior Worship speaker. I'm sure it is not easy to be a Worship and Praise leader. His voice is really recorded in detail, including those sang out of tune. It takes time for Pastors to prepare sermons. It is quite hard to do translations. You really need a tremendous amount of concentration. So, please, lower your criticisms and increase your encouragement. Do not be a stumbling block. Be an enabler.

A person who really provides a lot of encouragement is Rev. Harg. Whatever idea we suggest, he would always say, ‘That’s great!’ or ‘That’s good!’ Sometimes, I feel that an article I have written for the “Thought for the Week” is not particularly good, he would say, ‘It’s okay!’ ‘I enjoyed that article!’

I remember Tian once said “I want to use my gifts to do His work. I want to be useful or God might take my gifts away.” I think he said this during one of our translator training sessions. I take this as an encouragement – for me to try hard at translating even when at times I want to give up. I hope you take encouragement from that too. You have your own God-given talents. Use your talents. Use your gifts to do God’s work.

Once when we were not able to attend Sunday Worship, Tian texted my husband. So, my husband texted back and told him why we were absent that day. Tian texted back, “For that you missed the Worship service? Christ died for you. Worshipping Him is the least you could do!” That text is a real encouragement to us. I hope you remember this and be encouraged too. If you find it difficult to wake up on Sunday mornings, remember: Christ died for you, waking up early is the least you can do! If you find it inconvenient to travel on Friday nights to come join the fellowship, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do! If you find that reading your Bible and praying are boring, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do!

Christ’s birthday is the reason we are celebrating tonight. I have to insert this part, because after all, this is a Christmas message. Can you imagine yourself willingly, volitionally transforming yourself to be an ant? No, it’s got to be even smaller – an amoeba, perhaps, just to be with them and save them? Our God, who is the glorious, eternal, holy, all-powerful and sovereign Creator of heaven and earth willingly limited Himself to become a human baby, helpless and dependent on His human parents. Then later on, after 33 years, willingly suffered very painfully and bloodily before dying on the cross for us. Whenever you feel lazy, or whenever you think you are too busy in you everyday life to worship Him, to pray, to read the Bible, to join fellowships, to do your ministry work, remember Christmas and the Passion of Christ! These are just the little things you can do to make your Master happy.

This leads to my third point. Yes, it is also my last point, so please bear with me.

When I turned 35, I had my mid-life crisis. (Oooh, that means I must be over 35 now.) No! Not that kind of mid-life crisis. I do not have to run to Dr. Jean yet. I woke up the morning of my 35th birthday and looked at the mirror. Of course I know that I do not look young anymore. I know how swollen – how chubby I had become. But more than that, I had his thought that struck me then: If I live up to 70, which I doubt, considering the polluted environment we live in and the kind of lifestyle we lead, I had already lived half of my life. What had I done with my life? For most part, I was a student. I had studied for my diploma, my knowledge, my titles. I had worked for my career. I got married and took care of my husband and my children. What have I done for my God? I only have less than half of my life left!

As believers in Christ, we know our life is more than this life here on earth. We know we are going to live the rest of our lives in eternity. What will God say when you finally meet Him in heaven? Will He say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?”

I know most of you are not yet 35, well, probably with the exception of brother Noel. But I think, it is time for you to have your own mid-life crisis. We are nearing the end of 2007. We are at the threshold of another year. Time flies so fast. It is time to look into yourself and evaluate yourself. What have you done for God? What have you done to glorify your God?

This is what I want to share with you tonight. I pray that we will support each other and help each other. Let us encourage one another as we walk and work together on earth. For what purpose? To what end? To give glory to our God, whose birthday we are celebrating tonight! Merry Christmas everyone!

Ode to the Seven-Year Itch



I’m not sure if I read it in a book or if I heard somebody expound on it. Accordingly, the seven-year itch is a stage wherein couples, at around the seventh year of marriage, feel tired of each other, probably bored with the marriage routine and therefore would want (or itch) for activities independent of each other or outside of the marriage. It is the seventh year of our marriage. We now have a new house, a precocious kindergarten student of a daughter and a (literally) bouncing baby boy. Where’s the itch?

I started to fall in love with him because of our nightly conversations on the phone. We can talk about anything under the sun, and yes, even about the stars and black holes. He has many interests ranging from photography to cooking to 4x4 vehicles and computers. The way he talks and communicates his ideas shows a keen mind that is not at all stagnant. We share a common love for books. We can discuss for hours on end about books we have read and about the ideas these books expound. He reads more science fiction while I read more on general adult fiction. He reads more on Chinese cultural and heritage books while I read more on child development. Each of us has our favorite authors. He introduced C.S. Lewis, Isaac Asimov and Asiapac books to me while I showed him the books of JRR Tolkien, Madeline L’Engle Scott O Dell and the Newbery-awarded books. We have broadened our horizons as we read more. Somehow reading his books gave me a peek of what his mind contains. Until now, I am still itching to know him more.

I fell in love with him because he is transparent with me. And I like what I see. Even when he was courting me, he was open and honest. I’ve heard people say that men put their best foot forward during the courtship stage and their personality changes after the wedding and honeymoon. In our case, he didn’t change at all. After seven years, he is still the same caring, loving, generous and patient man who courted me. We didn’t even have an adjustment period after the wedding. That is not to say we do not have any “toothpaste tube” differences. It was only after we got married when I discovered that he leaves his clothes on the floor instead of hanging them up. It was after the wedding when I learned that he uses a minimum of five towels a day. But for me, those are petty little things and not major personality changes so I don’t really mind at all. I’m sure I do have my own peculiarities, too. After seven years, he still closes the doors (to keep out the mosquitoes) while I still leave them open (to let air circulate around the house.) I am very happy to have accepted his little idiosyncrasies as he has learned to live with mine.

I was sure God gave him to me as my husband, my partner for life because he led me closer to God. When he was courting me, he will insist on bringing me to church every Sunday. From Cubao, he will fetch me from Malabon and we will go to church in Manila. That means he had to wake up very very early on Sunday mornings. On his visits, he will be my Bible study leader. We have gone through Survival Kit 1 and 2 together. We would read Christian books together and discuss the books as part of our Bible Study. None of the men who courted me did anything like this. I appreciate his concern for my spiritual growth. I’m itching for us to grow together in Christ.

After seven years, I still love his eyes. If I stare at his eyes, I get lost in them. They’re the most wonderful pair of eyes I’ve ever seen. And I’m so elated that my first-born got those eyes. Big round eyes with deep folds so untypical of the Chinese chinky heritage. I wonder where he got those eyes. His parents certainly don’t have them. And his skin is so nice to touch. His shoulders, ahh, I find very sexy and his scent, hmmm… I still want to get his scent every time we hug. I’m so happy we still have our “good morning hug” everyday. The phrase “Our pheromones are working overtime.” Has been our favorite because the pheromones (that which makes our scent attractive to our mate) is supposed to be effective around seven years too. But see? I’m still itching to be physically intimate with him.

I sure do love the way he’s a Daddy to the children. He doesn’t feed them or give them a bath. He doesn’t even want to change soiled diapers. But I like the way he rocks the baby to sleep. The baby seems to sleep longer and more peacefully than if I had been the one to put him to bed. I am very happy that he brings the daughter to school personally. Not only does he bring the girl to school, he goes with her to her classroom on the second floor, leave her bag on her desk, brings her to the toilet first before bringing her back to class. I don’t think any other daddy would do that. He’s also Doctor Daddy. I appreciate it when he puts ointments on the children’s insect bites. I also appreciate it when he massages the baby’s tummy when the little one is colicky. I don’t know how he does it but somehow after 15 to 30 minutes of his magic hands, the baby is more willing to finish his bottle. My hands are itching to award him a medal that says “best Daddy in the world.”

I like the way he shows concern for me. Even if he has a million things to do in the office, he would offer to fetch the girl from school so that I can rest. I remember he would hold my feet when they are cold, though he doesn’t do that much nowadays. He would offer to take care of the baby if I have other things to do. He’s also my in-house fashion consultant. If you like the way I dress, please give the credits to him. He has a sense of style and color that I don’t have. Needless to say, he buys his own clothes and he buys mine as well. How many husbands do you know who shops for their wives? In the beginning, I didn't give him my body size or specifications. But he always buys the right size even right down to my underwear. When I ask him how he knows, he just says that he’s my husband. He Knows my body. I should blush.

I like his sense of responsibility and integrity and fairness towards other people. Whereas I may be more emotional in my judgement, he is more logical and fair. For example, even if he does not like an employee’s character or personality, he will give this employee a salary raise that is due him since there is nothing to complain about regarding the employee’s performance. I confess I might have considered delaying the raise. Sometimes he is too focused on finishing his work in the office that he would be late and we could not meet doctor’s appointments or other engagements. Oftentimes I feel disappointed when these things happen but when I look back, I understand what our proper priority should be.

I admire him because he is confident enough to tell people that I am smarter than he is, even if that’s Not true. I am confident to do things because he supports me and he pushes me to excel. He would push me to pursue another interest. He would push me to try something new – like how to fire a gun, go drive a truck, join an off-road rally, how to ride a bike or even swimming (which I hate very much.) He shows me how to behave in a more socially mature manner. He encourages me to grow even if I am complacent enough to be just as I am now.

My heart swells with pride whenever I hear people say that he looks like a doctor. The principal of the daughter’s school thought he is a doctor when they first met. Even in hospitals when he just visits a patient – friend, nurses think he is one. The daughter’s teachers think he is a pastor or at least he acts like one. It’s hard to be humble when you are proud of your mate. So I stumble for answers.

I appreciate his patience with me. He puts up with my temper and argues so logically and oh-so-reasonably that in the end, it seems like I should not have any reason to be angry at all. (Even if a while ago, my anger seemed so justified.) He puts up with my forgetfulness and what he calls lack of presence of mind. Sometimes he gets angry because he could not believe the degree and extent of my forgetfulness. That’s why he just labels these episodes as lack of presence of mind on my part. For instance, one day I used his towel to dry the baby. I promised him I would get him a new towel after I finished with the baby. So, I went to the baby’s room, dried the baby, put on his shirt and diaper, went to the daughter’s room, left the baby in the playpen and requested the daughter to watch over the baby. I went back to our room. I was about to get the towel when I was distracted by the noise outside the window. After checking out the source of the noise, as I was going back to the cabinet, I totally forgot what I was about to get or even what I was doing there. I truly, honest-to-goodness forgot why I came back to our room. Funny or pathetic? I sat down on the bed, recollecting the events, as I usually do when I forget. It was until his head pop out of the shower room when I remembered. To be fair, he didn’t get angry in this instance. (He was angry I didn't apologize.) He said, why didn’t I think along the lines of ‘why was there somebody in the bathroom and what is that person doing there, and what might that person need?’ He said that if only I noticed somebody was in the bathroom, I could put two and two together, if only I had the presence of mind. See? He even tries so solve the problem of my forgetfulness through logical thinking.

After seven years, I still feel loved and cherished. Of course there are times when he has problems or when he is tired, he generally does not pay attention to me. During those off-moments, he does not even listen to what I say. But he always makes it up. After he is through with that phase, he will pay extra attention to me, help me do chores, and be very sweet and caring than usual. After seven years, he still shows me that I am a priority for him. For instance, when I was so depressed one day, he took time to come home early and bring me bowling, which relieves stress for me. I appreciate that, and the simple thoughtfulness showed that he still cares. He makes our date nights a priority. Sometimes we have earlier agreed on a date, but sometimes, it’s a surprise. Even the venue is a surprise. The spontaneity of it all makes the date even better. He still showers me with compliments. Whether true or not, it still does wonders to my ego.

At my parents’ house, its my dad who locks all the doors and windows at night. He goes around the house and checks each room if there’s any lights on or any faucet running, or any appliance still turned on. We, the children go to bed secure with the thought that everything is safe and sound. At his parents’ house, his mom does all the work. When we got married, I thought he’s going to take care of the security and he thought I should be the one to take care of it. More often than not, we would already be in bed and I would ask him if he locked the doors yet. Almost always, the answer is no. I had to get up and do it myself since I’m the obsessive half of this partnership. After seven years, I’m still the one who checks security at night. I was very happy when we moved to the new house. He began to help. The first few months were okay; but now, he forgets to check once in a while. And when I do close the garage door before I go to sleep, which is quite late at night, he has the temerity to tell me that the neighbors will be disturbed by the noise. The garage door does create a racket heard a mile away if it is being moved. So what? Do I leave it open just because nobody bothered to close it earlier? When this happens, I would be itching to wring his neck.

When he is angry, thou shalt not touch him. He does not shout or become violent. When he is angry or concerned with problems in his office or his family, he just doesn’t talk. But it shows in his face; and sometimes in his interaction with the children and me, he’s more short-tempered than usual. When I attempt to soothe him, he shoves me away. He says he can handle it, he just needs to think things through, that it does not concern me, etc. These are times I’m itching to comfort him. But that’s not his way, so I back off and try to give him space. I read that men from mars are like that.

When I do something wrong, sigh, I will not hear the end of it. For example, I’ve cooked the vegetables too salty or too wilted. From the minute we start eating until the minute I leave the table after we’ve finished eating, he will talk non-stop. I wonder if he notice that I eat faster when he’s in this mode. Another example is that three weeks after the baby got sick and got well, he still blames me for my failure to check the cause of the baby’s sickness. The funny thing is, he says he’s not a nagger. I roll my eyes. He says I just don’t take criticisms positively, that I’m too defensive. Oh really? Maybe we should get a fair judge. Why does he repeat these issues incessantly and after a period of time at that? He still says he’s not a nagger, that I just don’t listen to him, that I don’t do what he says and always contradict him. I say that’s not true. He looks at me. Didn’t I just contradict him?

Oh Yes! He is exasperatingly contradictory and inconsistent. One time, I was so tired I instructed the maid to wash the vegetable for me to cook. It was the Chinese watercress. Of course, the maid, being unfamiliar with it, made a poor job out of it. He told me that I should wash it myself. The day before when he cooked our soup, he washed the vegetables himself. After a week, I was washing the watercress myself even if I had other things to do and I was so tired already. He told me that I should let the maid do it. He asked why I had to these little things personally, that I don’t delegate enough which is why I was so tired at the end of the day. Tell me, which instruction should I follow?

He hates the way I manage the refrigerator, or rather mismanage it. After seven years, he still asks me when I bought the food I serve him. He suspects that piece of pork might be a month old. I have improved on my control on the raw food, though. I just don’t buy anything until the freezer contents have run out. The cooked leftover foods are another matter. Often times, I don’t want to throw away the leftovers. Seemed like a big waste. So what happens is they get accumulated and well, they rot after a while. He always tells me that the refrigerator does not promise immortality – for the foods, that is. Either I eat the leftovers or I throw them out. Or else the other good food, and even the raw food might be contaminated. So now, I’m trying to clean out the refrigerator at least once a week. After seven years, I don’t know why I still have this bad habit. I’m sure he’s itching to slap my face silly whenever he smells something funny inside the refrigerator.

After seven years, I can say that our marriage can debunk that seven-year itch theory. After all, a theory is just that – a theory. Ours is a living happy, funny, loving, generous, warm reality. It has its ups and downs but we don’t make the downs get to us. We try to understand each other, see things from each other’s point of view. We try to make time for each other and consciously acknowledge that we are each other’s priority next to God. After seven years, we still try to please each other and make each other happy. We try to do things together, and plan the future together. We talk and talk all the time and still are the best of friends. We have this kind of marriage because that’s how we want it to be and make it to be. And we thank God and praise God so much for this blessing called marriage.

A PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY ON BIRTHING

1. Childbirth is the perfection of womanhood.

I have known many women who really long to bear children. I have a friend who didn’t want to marry her boyfriend of eight years. When I finally received an invitation for her wedding, I asked her why she changed her mind. Her answer was because she wants to have a baby. Upon learning that I was pregnant, another friend said, “Oh, my wife will be so envious of you.” This friend has low sperm count. He and his wife have consulted many specialists and have undergone a lot of tests. It has been three years and they are still waiting.

Should we pity the men who can never experience the joy of pregnancy and childbirth? When I was pregnant, I would often complain to my husband, “I wish you were the one who’s carrying this baby, Don’t you know it is so difficult? You’re not the one who will feel the pain when the baby comes out…” My husband would say, ”If I can do that, I will. It would be easier for me to experience these myself rather than feel helpless and worry sick over you and the baby.” Yes, we women have difficulties, discomforts and problems. But nothing compares to the feeling of pride and happiness when you hear the first cry of your baby. You think, “I’ve nurtured a life inside my body!” Now, that’s something you can achieve and the men cannot.

It is God’s design for women to give birth. The women in the Bible consider themselves cursed if they don’t bear children. One famous example is Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel. Because she was barren, her rival Peninah, who has many children, would provoke her and irritate her. Because she was barren, she would often cry and not eat, and even her husband could not comfort her. One day, she poured out her heart to the Lord God Almighty. He opened her womb and she gave birth to Samuel whom she dedicated to the Lord and Samuel grew up in the Lord’s service. For Hannah, what matters is the experience of childbirth, of being able to give life and love. Rejoice women! You have this wonderful capacity by God’s design. Rejoice!


“And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”
- Genesis 1:31


2. Children are a gift from the Lord.

Our grandparents and great-grandparents believe that children are a blessing. That is why they want to have as many children as possible. My maternal grandmother has 8 girls and 3 boys. My paternal grandmother has 5 girls and 3 boys. They believe that having many children would mean that many people will take care of them in old age. This I have seen was true for my grandparents. (Although both couples are now deceased.) Having many children also translates to having countless grandchildren providing them comfort, laughter, enjoyment and company during their retirement years. I think the Filipino people, in general, specially in the rural areas still think that having many children is good. That is why, our population figure is still growing despite the government’s family planning program.

However, the same belief does not hold true for the new generation of urban dwellers, who are more educated and career-oriented. They know the advantages of having a small family. Almost all the friends I know want to have 2 to 3 children. They want to spend more time with each child, give the best education and support to each child; which they would not be able to afford if they have many children. Despite the number of children they choose/plan to have, they recognize that children are treasures. That is why they want to give their children the best.

As a mother, I know this as a fact. Yes, there are times when I am tired and irritated because my baby demands so much from me. But in general, my baby gives me hours of pleasure and enjoyment. It is sheer happiness for me to see my baby smile and gurgle. It is with utmost pride and joy to see my baby achieve her firsts (e.g. first time to roll over, to eat solid food, etc.) I know a little boy who asked his mother, “Ma, do you know what old (adult) people’s toys are?” The mother said, “No, I do not know. I don’t think adult plays with toys anymore.” “Yes, you do have toys,” said the boy, ”Your toys are the babies.”

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
- Psalms 127:3



3. If the Lord is going to give you a gift, He is not going to make it painful for you to receive it.

If a friend will give you a gift, I doubt it if he will make it difficult for you to receive it. He will not say, “I have a gift for you, but you will undergo a lot of hardships to get it.” Or, “It will cause you great pains to get it.” Remember, our God is a gracious-giver. He gave us His only beloved Son, and He made our salvation so easy. All we have to do is to accept His grace. The same is also true with childbirth. It may be uncomfortable, but it will not be hard nor painful. If the Lord is going to bless you with a child, It will not be painful.

“But Thou art a God of forgiveness, gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness;
and Thou did not forsake them.”
- Nehemiah 9:17b


4. With the doctor’s expertise by your side, with your husband’s hand holding you, with God’s eyes watching you, you have nothing to worry about.

At St. Luke’s Hospital in Quezon City, where I gave birth, the husband is allowed inside the delivery room if the woman is giving birth using the Lamaze or other natural childbirth method. However, once the woman is given medical intervention, (e.g. anesthesia) the husband will be requested to leave the room. From my experience, my husband’s reassuring hand during my labor provided enough emotional support, such that I chose him instead of the anesthesia. I have to thank my Christian doctor, too, who stayed by my side since I entered the hospital. In between contractions, I talked to God and prayed for a quick and safe delivery. And everything worked out fine. It was tiring but nevertheless an exhilarating experience.


“And again, ‘I will put my trust in Him’ and again, ‘Behold, I and the children
whom God has given me.’ For assuredly, He does not give help to the angels
but He gives help to the descendants of Abraham.”
- Hebrews 2:13 & 16