This is something I wrote for a friend many years ago when she felt like not going to church because she was hurt by another sister from the church. After several months of prayer and Bible study and group counselling, she was finally able to break through the shackles of unforgiveness. Praise the Lord!
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3 : 12 – 14
My dear friend,
Last night after we talked on the phone, I felt so disturbed and worried about you. I prayed for your friend who betrayed you and I prayed for you, that you might find the peace of God and through His grace, you might be able to forgive. For without your willingness to forgive, you may not be able to get the peace that God intends you to have.
It is true, forgiving is very hard to do. Philip Yancey in his book “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” calls it an unnatural act. It is indeed unfair. How can you forgive somebody who calls herself a Christian and yet has betrayed you and called you names behind your back? How can you indeed forgive this person, whom you had considered friend and yet has spread malicious false stories about you, making you look bad among our fellow church members? How can you forgive this person who, after doing these harmful acts intentionally, can still go to church and is able to worship the same God you worship as if she did no wrong?
But you see, God REQUIRES you to forgive.
1. The Gospel gives us a straightforward command and gives us the answer to why we should forgive – because that is what God is like.
When Jesus gave the command, “Love your enemies,” he added, “… that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” As Christians, we are called to be Christ-like. We are called to bear God’s family’s likeness. Forgiving our enemies is part of it. Jesus said that even unbelievers love their friends and families. So, how can we differ from them? The answer is to love our enemies, so that we can be set apart from others. How can we be salt of the earth and light of the world if the world cannot see that we are different from unbelievers? Follow Jesus’ command to “pray for those who persecute you.”
2. If God forgave our debts, how can we not do the same to others?
Maybe you feel that your sins are not as great as this so-called friend’s sins. You certainly have not betrayed any of your friends. But you see, in God’s eyes, your sins and hers and mine as well, are just as grave – we all deserve Death. Remember the parable of the unforgiving servant? His master forgave him and erased his ‘millions’ of debt. Just as he went out of his master’s office, he met a fellow who owed him a ‘few pesos.’ He beat up the poor fellow and threw him in prison. Please don’t be like the unforgiving servant. If the Lord Jesus can forgive you at such a high cost to Him – that is, His own blood on Calvary, surely, you can forgive and risk just a little cost to yourself.
3. At the center of the Lord’s Prayer, which Jesus taught us to recite, is again that requirement – Forgiveness.
“Forgive our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Notice the word “AS.” Read the prayer again. Doesn’t it mean that we will be forgiven out trespasses IF we forgive others? Therefore, if you do not forgive others, your own sin might not be forgiven. Wow! Think about it. Personally, I would not care if I don’t have to speak or have any contact with my betrayer, but to lose the grace of my God, that is another matter altogether. And that’s what the Lord’s Prayer implies, if we do not forgive, we are accountable to God. The ending of the unforgiving servant is not a happy one. When his master found out about what the servant did to the poor fellow, the master turned this unforgiving servant over to the jailers to be tortured. Philip Yancey says, “By denying forgiveness to others, we are in effect determining them unworthy of God’s forgiveness and thus, so are we. In some mysterious way, divine forgiveness depends on us.”
4. Forgiveness means taking the initiative.
I know, you will say, ‘I will forgive her if she realizes her mistakes and apologizes.’ Or even just ‘I will forgive her if she just makes the first move to reconcile.’ Yes, that kind of reasoning is right and just for us. After all, she is the one who did the wrong, not you. But what if she never apologizes or makes the first move? Will you allow yourself to live with ‘ungrace’ forever? So justice is not a consideration in our act of forgiving. Our forgiveness should be unconditional because God’s forgiveness is unconditional. Of course, it is very difficult at this point. The wound and pain of betrayal is still there. You still feel angry and it feels unfair that God demands you to forgive. But that is how the healing starts. That is how God’s grace will come in. If you don’t let go, how will God work? Do you want to remain full of anger, resentment and hatred for the rest of your life?
Forgiveness is not the same as pardon. Lewis Smedes said that ‘ you may forgive the one who has wronged you but insist on a just punishment.’ Like maybe we can forgive a murderer but still insist he serve his sentence in jail. In your case, maybe your betrayer just needs an intense talk and counseling with people accountable to her, rebuke her and remind her of God’s instructions.
5. Forgiveness is an act of faith.
In Romans 12, Paul said, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written : ‘It is mine to avenge, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
By forgiving your betrayer, you are telling God, trusting God that He will make things right. Of course, God may not deal with the person or give out punishment to the betrayer as you would wish. After all, God is a merciful God. But in the end, you will win because you will earn a reward – a crown from Him who is just. Leave everything in the Lord’s hands. It is His to avenge.
Elizabeth O’Connor writes that “Despite a hundred sermons on forgiveness, we do not forgive easily, nor find ourselves easily forgiven. Forgiveness, we discover, is always harder than the sermons make out to be.”
I, myself have always struggled with my unforgiving heart. (You know my struggle with my in-laws which took God years to sort me out. I think His work is not yet finished.) But there is a wonderful incentive for us to forgive – in the end, your relationship with Him will be restored, and you will find God’s comfort, grace and peace. The kind of peace the Bible talks about – that which only the Lord can give.
Please call me anytime if you want to talk again. We will be praying for you constantly. God bless!
Reference:
Philip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace? (Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1997), chap 7.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Message Given At
Couples@Work Christmas Party
Dec 14, 2007
Good evening everyone! Are you surprised to find me delivering the message tonight? I am surprised, too. It all started when my husband, the love of my life, was assigned to give the message for tonight.
I was very much surprised when he accepted the assignment. He must have been very distracted that night we had the meeting. You see, you might think he is very good with interpersonal skills, he is so chatty and all, but really; he has never ever stood in front of an audience, and gave a speech. Probably the last time he did that was in college doing reports. With Christmas fast approaching, he also became busy with office work. Because his business line is in the garments industry, Christmas time means overtime and beating the deadlines for Christmas orders. And so, he is not ready to give the message tonight. I stand before you today, filling in his shoes, as a show of my love and support for my husband.
The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because this is related to the first point of my message. More than anyone else, we at Couples@Work know that wives should support their husbands, and that husbands should support their wives. As spouses, we should help each other. My husband supports me by providing more than enough for me and my children, so that I don’t have to work. I don’t have to be tied to a 9:00-5:00 job, so I can concentrate on keeping the house in order, raising our children properly, and I can have more time to do God’s work.
As spouses, we support and help each other. In our families, we support and help each other. In our fellowship, and in our big church family, we should also support and help each other. If you see a job that needs to be done or any area that needs help and you can do it, show your support and just do it! A very good example is our brother Bonny. Yesterday, the officers realized that we have not prepared any games, yet. So we quickly called Bonny and yes! Later, he will be in charge of our games and fun! We’re all looking forward to that, brother Bonny!
Another example of a good show of support is Brother Noel. Early this year, when Rev. Harg was not available, brother Noel helped by leading us for two weeks with the video showing on marriage.
Let us support and help each other.
Which leads me to the second point…
Do you know how we became friends with Tian and Mir? I want to share this with you, so we can also have a little history of a Couples@Work Fellowship. There was a Parents@Work before which met every other month, but didn’t work out, so we expanded to be the new Couples@Work.
Couples@Work officially started January of 2006. Yes! We are finishing our second year, going third this 2008. I hope we all continue to have friendship throughout the years to come. So, going back, by late 2005, we were already preparing to introduce this new fellowship. The officers by then were inviting potential members, most often during our snack time after church service. Whenever we see somebody who looks and acts married, we would introduce ourselves, get to know each other a bit, and invite them to the fellowship. I think most of you got to know us that way. Of course, we made a few boo-boos along the way. We extended invitation to some people whom we thought were married, but are really still single! Whoops! We apologize.
Going back to Tian and Mir, we did not know who they were at this time. You see, even when my husband and I were attending this church regularly for more than a year (at this time, we were still at the old church building), we didn’t get to know them because we were attending the 10 o’clock service while they were attending the 3 o’clock service. We only got to see them when everybody transferred to the new church building where we only have 1 service. This was in Dec 2005. So, here was J.R., remember, he did not know who Tian was. He just saw that this guy looks married and is a good potential candidate for the fellowship. He introduced himself to Tian and invited him and his wife to join Couples@Work. Tian himself said the invitation was a surprise to him. For him, here is somebody whom he does not know, practically a newcomer, and yet inviting him to his own church!
The reason why I mention Tian is because he has been an encouragement to us. He probably does not know it, but sometimes some words he said remains in our memory. I suppose this is true for most of us. We should be careful with what we say. We should always pray and hope that our words will always be an encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is my second point for tonight: Let us be an encouragement for each other. Do not be a stumbling block.
You know, it is not easy standing here, speaking, before you. It is not easy to be a Junior Worship speaker. I'm sure it is not easy to be a Worship and Praise leader. His voice is really recorded in detail, including those sang out of tune. It takes time for Pastors to prepare sermons. It is quite hard to do translations. You really need a tremendous amount of concentration. So, please, lower your criticisms and increase your encouragement. Do not be a stumbling block. Be an enabler.
A person who really provides a lot of encouragement is Rev. Harg. Whatever idea we suggest, he would always say, ‘That’s great!’ or ‘That’s good!’ Sometimes, I feel that an article I have written for the “Thought for the Week” is not particularly good, he would say, ‘It’s okay!’ ‘I enjoyed that article!’
I remember Tian once said “I want to use my gifts to do His work. I want to be useful or God might take my gifts away.” I think he said this during one of our translator training sessions. I take this as an encouragement – for me to try hard at translating even when at times I want to give up. I hope you take encouragement from that too. You have your own God-given talents. Use your talents. Use your gifts to do God’s work.
Once when we were not able to attend Sunday Worship, Tian texted my husband. So, my husband texted back and told him why we were absent that day. Tian texted back, “For that you missed the Worship service? Christ died for you. Worshipping Him is the least you could do!” That text is a real encouragement to us. I hope you remember this and be encouraged too. If you find it difficult to wake up on Sunday mornings, remember: Christ died for you, waking up early is the least you can do! If you find it inconvenient to travel on Friday nights to come join the fellowship, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do! If you find that reading your Bible and praying are boring, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do!
Christ’s birthday is the reason we are celebrating tonight. I have to insert this part, because after all, this is a Christmas message. Can you imagine yourself willingly, volitionally transforming yourself to be an ant? No, it’s got to be even smaller – an amoeba, perhaps, just to be with them and save them? Our God, who is the glorious, eternal, holy, all-powerful and sovereign Creator of heaven and earth willingly limited Himself to become a human baby, helpless and dependent on His human parents. Then later on, after 33 years, willingly suffered very painfully and bloodily before dying on the cross for us. Whenever you feel lazy, or whenever you think you are too busy in you everyday life to worship Him, to pray, to read the Bible, to join fellowships, to do your ministry work, remember Christmas and the Passion of Christ! These are just the little things you can do to make your Master happy.
This leads to my third point. Yes, it is also my last point, so please bear with me.
When I turned 35, I had my mid-life crisis. (Oooh, that means I must be over 35 now.) No! Not that kind of mid-life crisis. I do not have to run to Dr. Jean yet. I woke up the morning of my 35th birthday and looked at the mirror. Of course I know that I do not look young anymore. I know how swollen – how chubby I had become. But more than that, I had his thought that struck me then: If I live up to 70, which I doubt, considering the polluted environment we live in and the kind of lifestyle we lead, I had already lived half of my life. What had I done with my life? For most part, I was a student. I had studied for my diploma, my knowledge, my titles. I had worked for my career. I got married and took care of my husband and my children. What have I done for my God? I only have less than half of my life left!
As believers in Christ, we know our life is more than this life here on earth. We know we are going to live the rest of our lives in eternity. What will God say when you finally meet Him in heaven? Will He say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?”
I know most of you are not yet 35, well, probably with the exception of brother Noel. But I think, it is time for you to have your own mid-life crisis. We are nearing the end of 2007. We are at the threshold of another year. Time flies so fast. It is time to look into yourself and evaluate yourself. What have you done for God? What have you done to glorify your God?
This is what I want to share with you tonight. I pray that we will support each other and help each other. Let us encourage one another as we walk and work together on earth. For what purpose? To what end? To give glory to our God, whose birthday we are celebrating tonight! Merry Christmas everyone!
Couples@Work Christmas Party
Dec 14, 2007
Good evening everyone! Are you surprised to find me delivering the message tonight? I am surprised, too. It all started when my husband, the love of my life, was assigned to give the message for tonight.
I was very much surprised when he accepted the assignment. He must have been very distracted that night we had the meeting. You see, you might think he is very good with interpersonal skills, he is so chatty and all, but really; he has never ever stood in front of an audience, and gave a speech. Probably the last time he did that was in college doing reports. With Christmas fast approaching, he also became busy with office work. Because his business line is in the garments industry, Christmas time means overtime and beating the deadlines for Christmas orders. And so, he is not ready to give the message tonight. I stand before you today, filling in his shoes, as a show of my love and support for my husband.
The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because this is related to the first point of my message. More than anyone else, we at Couples@Work know that wives should support their husbands, and that husbands should support their wives. As spouses, we should help each other. My husband supports me by providing more than enough for me and my children, so that I don’t have to work. I don’t have to be tied to a 9:00-5:00 job, so I can concentrate on keeping the house in order, raising our children properly, and I can have more time to do God’s work.
As spouses, we support and help each other. In our families, we support and help each other. In our fellowship, and in our big church family, we should also support and help each other. If you see a job that needs to be done or any area that needs help and you can do it, show your support and just do it! A very good example is our brother Bonny. Yesterday, the officers realized that we have not prepared any games, yet. So we quickly called Bonny and yes! Later, he will be in charge of our games and fun! We’re all looking forward to that, brother Bonny!
Another example of a good show of support is Brother Noel. Early this year, when Rev. Harg was not available, brother Noel helped by leading us for two weeks with the video showing on marriage.
Let us support and help each other.
Which leads me to the second point…
Do you know how we became friends with Tian and Mir? I want to share this with you, so we can also have a little history of a Couples@Work Fellowship. There was a Parents@Work before which met every other month, but didn’t work out, so we expanded to be the new Couples@Work.
Couples@Work officially started January of 2006. Yes! We are finishing our second year, going third this 2008. I hope we all continue to have friendship throughout the years to come. So, going back, by late 2005, we were already preparing to introduce this new fellowship. The officers by then were inviting potential members, most often during our snack time after church service. Whenever we see somebody who looks and acts married, we would introduce ourselves, get to know each other a bit, and invite them to the fellowship. I think most of you got to know us that way. Of course, we made a few boo-boos along the way. We extended invitation to some people whom we thought were married, but are really still single! Whoops! We apologize.
Going back to Tian and Mir, we did not know who they were at this time. You see, even when my husband and I were attending this church regularly for more than a year (at this time, we were still at the old church building), we didn’t get to know them because we were attending the 10 o’clock service while they were attending the 3 o’clock service. We only got to see them when everybody transferred to the new church building where we only have 1 service. This was in Dec 2005. So, here was J.R., remember, he did not know who Tian was. He just saw that this guy looks married and is a good potential candidate for the fellowship. He introduced himself to Tian and invited him and his wife to join Couples@Work. Tian himself said the invitation was a surprise to him. For him, here is somebody whom he does not know, practically a newcomer, and yet inviting him to his own church!
The reason why I mention Tian is because he has been an encouragement to us. He probably does not know it, but sometimes some words he said remains in our memory. I suppose this is true for most of us. We should be careful with what we say. We should always pray and hope that our words will always be an encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is my second point for tonight: Let us be an encouragement for each other. Do not be a stumbling block.
You know, it is not easy standing here, speaking, before you. It is not easy to be a Junior Worship speaker. I'm sure it is not easy to be a Worship and Praise leader. His voice is really recorded in detail, including those sang out of tune. It takes time for Pastors to prepare sermons. It is quite hard to do translations. You really need a tremendous amount of concentration. So, please, lower your criticisms and increase your encouragement. Do not be a stumbling block. Be an enabler.
A person who really provides a lot of encouragement is Rev. Harg. Whatever idea we suggest, he would always say, ‘That’s great!’ or ‘That’s good!’ Sometimes, I feel that an article I have written for the “Thought for the Week” is not particularly good, he would say, ‘It’s okay!’ ‘I enjoyed that article!’
I remember Tian once said “I want to use my gifts to do His work. I want to be useful or God might take my gifts away.” I think he said this during one of our translator training sessions. I take this as an encouragement – for me to try hard at translating even when at times I want to give up. I hope you take encouragement from that too. You have your own God-given talents. Use your talents. Use your gifts to do God’s work.
Once when we were not able to attend Sunday Worship, Tian texted my husband. So, my husband texted back and told him why we were absent that day. Tian texted back, “For that you missed the Worship service? Christ died for you. Worshipping Him is the least you could do!” That text is a real encouragement to us. I hope you remember this and be encouraged too. If you find it difficult to wake up on Sunday mornings, remember: Christ died for you, waking up early is the least you can do! If you find it inconvenient to travel on Friday nights to come join the fellowship, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do! If you find that reading your Bible and praying are boring, remember: Christ died for you. It is the least you can do!
Christ’s birthday is the reason we are celebrating tonight. I have to insert this part, because after all, this is a Christmas message. Can you imagine yourself willingly, volitionally transforming yourself to be an ant? No, it’s got to be even smaller – an amoeba, perhaps, just to be with them and save them? Our God, who is the glorious, eternal, holy, all-powerful and sovereign Creator of heaven and earth willingly limited Himself to become a human baby, helpless and dependent on His human parents. Then later on, after 33 years, willingly suffered very painfully and bloodily before dying on the cross for us. Whenever you feel lazy, or whenever you think you are too busy in you everyday life to worship Him, to pray, to read the Bible, to join fellowships, to do your ministry work, remember Christmas and the Passion of Christ! These are just the little things you can do to make your Master happy.
This leads to my third point. Yes, it is also my last point, so please bear with me.
When I turned 35, I had my mid-life crisis. (Oooh, that means I must be over 35 now.) No! Not that kind of mid-life crisis. I do not have to run to Dr. Jean yet. I woke up the morning of my 35th birthday and looked at the mirror. Of course I know that I do not look young anymore. I know how swollen – how chubby I had become. But more than that, I had his thought that struck me then: If I live up to 70, which I doubt, considering the polluted environment we live in and the kind of lifestyle we lead, I had already lived half of my life. What had I done with my life? For most part, I was a student. I had studied for my diploma, my knowledge, my titles. I had worked for my career. I got married and took care of my husband and my children. What have I done for my God? I only have less than half of my life left!
As believers in Christ, we know our life is more than this life here on earth. We know we are going to live the rest of our lives in eternity. What will God say when you finally meet Him in heaven? Will He say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?”
I know most of you are not yet 35, well, probably with the exception of brother Noel. But I think, it is time for you to have your own mid-life crisis. We are nearing the end of 2007. We are at the threshold of another year. Time flies so fast. It is time to look into yourself and evaluate yourself. What have you done for God? What have you done to glorify your God?
This is what I want to share with you tonight. I pray that we will support each other and help each other. Let us encourage one another as we walk and work together on earth. For what purpose? To what end? To give glory to our God, whose birthday we are celebrating tonight! Merry Christmas everyone!
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